Lindsay Ellis: Understanding Your Authentic Values

In this episode, Steve Fretzin and Lindsay Ellis discuss:

  • Understanding your core values and honoring them in every aspect of what you do.
  • Noticing your values by noticing what is important to you in your day to day.
  • Creating boundaries when you know what you value.
  • Digging deep within yourself to find the calm in the storm.

Key Takeaways:

  • You are allowed to make up a definition for the value that is yours. As long as you know what it is, that is what is important.
  • There are no bad values. If it is important to you, it is a worthy value. It is only bad if it is unauthentic to you.
  • When you know what you value, decisions come easier.
  • There are things under your control and things not under your control. When you realize that, you can release the stress and emotion because there is nothing you can do about those things not under your control.

“Find a way to give yourself a little bit of time each day. Balance isn’t about making everything even, balance is about depositing regularly into each bucket.” —  Lindsay Ellis

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About Lindsay Ellis: Lindsay Ellis is a transformation specialist and the founder of Live Empowered. With certifications, degrees, and expertise in Leadership Development, Health & Fitness, Positive Psychology, and Personal Development, Lindsay has developed a system that helps working parents take control of their lives. In the first year of following her own advice, she went from feeling drained, overworked, and guilty to taking two vacations, forming a healthy co-parenting relationship with her ex, meeting her now husband, rediscovering hobbies, reconnecting with friends outside of work, growing her business 2x the national average, saving six figures, and did it all with a six-pack. Lindsay knows it is possible to have it all. She is passionate about helping parents live their best life in a way that resonates with them and be the example they want to set for their children and generations to come.

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Call Steve directly at 847-602-6911

Show notes by Podcastologist Chelsea Taylor-Sturkie

Audio production by Turnkey Podcast Productions. You’re the expert. Your podcast will prove it.


[00:00:00] Lindsay Ellis: Give yourself that moment. I mean, often we use that time for calls or catch up with people. But if you can find a way to give yourself a little bit of time each day, you know, balance isn’t about making everything even.

[00:00:20] Narrator: You’re listening to be that lawyer, life changing strategies and resources for growing a successful law practice. Each episode, your host, author and lawyer coach Steve Fretzin will take a deeper dive, helping you grow your law practice in. Less time with greater results. Now, here’s your host, Steve Fretzin.

[00:00:42] Steve Fretzin: Hey everybody. Welcome to be that lawyer. I am Steve Fretzin. I’m so happy you’re with us. We are going to be focusing a lot today on core values and understanding what your values are. Why having value, not only why having values are important, but also how they sort of define you in your life. And, um, Lindsay’s going to be here to, uh, to answer a lot of questions.

[00:01:02] Steve Fretzin: It kind of give us a lot of information about that. How you doing Lindsay? Hi, how are you? I’m good. I’m doing fine. Good to see you. Good to see you. You’re down in georgia. I am Yeah, how are things down in georgia? It’s sunny and hot. That’s where the devil went down, right? That old terrible joke who what’s the name of that band?

[00:01:20] Steve Fretzin: Anyway, there’s something something band Devil went down to georgia. I don’t know. That’s a great song. But uh Anyway, that’s not the point of the podcast, right, song, remembering old songs. We are, we’re here to help you as the lawyer, be that lawyer, someone who’s confident, organized and a skilled rainmaker.

[00:01:35] Steve Fretzin: And Lindsay, I’d love to start with the quote of the show, which you were so kind to send me. And, um, and I’ll just, I’ll kind of read it out and then, uh, if you can, you know, share a little bit about, you know, why you submitted that when the roots are deep, there’s no reason to fear the wind, which is an African prop proverb.

[00:01:53] Steve Fretzin: Proverb. Um, well, I mean, I don’t think it’s self explanatory. I’d like to get your take on that and why you submitted that quote of the show. And thanks for being here. Thank

[00:02:02] Lindsay Ellis: you. Thank you for having me. Yeah, I love that quote. I stumbled upon it years ago and it’s kind of like when the tree, when you have a big tree, you know, there’s roots and the deeper the roots are, the bigger the tree is, the stronger it is, the more healthy it is.

[00:02:18] Lindsay Ellis: And when the wind comes, it’s less likely to fall over. And I. Relate that so much to core values in us as human beings, because the more we have a foundation and who we are, the less adversity will rattle us. Yeah, we

[00:02:36] Steve Fretzin: have to, we have to, we’re going to get hit with all kinds of things in our lives, right?

[00:02:39] Steve Fretzin: And challenges and difficulties. And, you know, I think, uh, yeah, if we’ve got, is that, is that more about like your internal Roots as a person. Is it also about maybe, you know, your support system and your family and friends and the people around you, maybe a combination?

[00:02:55] Lindsay Ellis: Yeah, absolutely. A combination. I think that it does start with us.

[00:02:59] Lindsay Ellis: So as, as people knowing who we are, what is most important to us and then surrounding us with those people, letting them support us and, and having that as part of our foundation.

[00:03:08] Steve Fretzin: You know, I’m noticing here too, that you submitted a second quote and I only asked for one and you gave me two. So I think you’re an overachiever right off the bat, but I want to read it too, because I think it’s actually really interesting as well.

[00:03:19] Steve Fretzin: You can’t see the writing on the jar when you are in the jar. Uh, and that’s southern folk wisdom. So tell me about that because that’s also really, I found that really fascinating as well.

[00:03:30] Lindsay Ellis: I think perspective is everything and it’s so easy to point things out and other people are what they, what they might be doing or what they’re great at, what they’re wrong with, you know, but for us.

[00:03:43] Lindsay Ellis: It’s a lot of the times we can’t see what’s happening without that certain perspective. So I love that when we just remember, you can’t see the writing on the jar when you’re in the jar, be open to perspective and learn.

[00:03:58] Steve Fretzin: But I think also as coaches, it’s, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s really plays a role because of, you know, like I’ll sit down with a lawyer just as an example.

[00:04:07] Steve Fretzin: And the lawyer’s doing great. Like everything is great. Business development’s great, you know, adding value to the firm. And I start asking questions and through those questions, I start to identify gaps that we agree on. These are gaps. These aren’t made up things. These are things the lawyer is actually telling me that he or she is not doing that he or she should be doing, or that is doing it, but maybe not getting the kind of results that we agree should be happening.

[00:04:33] Steve Fretzin: And I think it’s just so true that it’s hard for us to see. And that’s why my wife is so great because I’ll say something and think nothing of it and she’ll go, you know, what you just said might have been hurtful to that person or might have been taken a different way. And I go, yeah, I totally didn’t see that in the moment.

[00:04:47] Steve Fretzin: So I think that’s something that is why it’s so important to get feedback and to have other, you know, people in your life that can see things that you can’t see.

[00:04:55] Lindsay Ellis: Absolutely. And you’ll find that one of my core values is openness and that really does mean to be open to what other people see so we can grow and just have that perspective, whether we take it or not, it’s, it’s something to be aware of.

[00:05:09] Lindsay Ellis: Yeah,

[00:05:10] Steve Fretzin: no doubt. No doubt. So let’s get into your background. Lindsay Ellis is the founder of live empowered. And talk us through kind of where you come from and how you got into the world that you’re in today. I

[00:05:22] Lindsay Ellis: think about, well, you know, I graduated in theater and the story behind that is my father was very adamant about me going to business school.

[00:05:33] Lindsay Ellis: And so I found myself in business school and I ended up getting kicked out of that program and moved in. They told me I belonged in theater and that is when I started really studying human behavior. And I ended up going back and getting my master’s in business later on, but it took me a while. I really, you know, wanted to do me, um, I found myself in sales and was, I sold everything from food to forklifts, fashion and pharmaceuticals and facial aesthetics.

[00:06:00] Lindsay Ellis: I got the S covered and then, or the S sound anyways, and. Um, it was about 2000. I loved my last corporate job. It was, it was absolutely amazing. I thrived in it. I learned so much in it was, uh, facial aesthetic business development manager. And I got to work with a lot of different businesses, but, you know, during that time, I was also, you know, going through a divorce in 2016, which kind of rattled my world a little bit.

[00:06:28] Lindsay Ellis: And I started to become really open to. This world in front of us, and I found that I was negotiating so much that I would call important to me for the in the moment necessary things. And so after a year of really working on myself, I realized that I had a different purpose. I had something I fulfilled the purpose that I did in corporate America, and it was time for me to move on.

[00:06:54] Lindsay Ellis: And that’s when I found myself, um, leaving corporate America, starting my own business. And really working with people to become the best versions of themselves so they can be the example that they want to be and leave the legacy they want in this world. Yeah.

[00:07:08] Steve Fretzin: And was there a, I mean, you may have kind of already mentioned it, but was there kind of like a be that lawyer tipping point or something that, you know, that kind of really steered you or really kind of like an adversity in your life or something that, that really kind of steered you in a, in a, in a direction leading to today?

[00:07:24] Lindsay Ellis: Absolutely. And like you mentioned earlier, unfortunately, adversity is inevitable. We’re all going to run into it. It’s, it’s how do we face adversity with pure authenticity is kind of what I’ve learned over the years. And for me, it was in 2016, you know, I, on the outside, it did appear to have it all. I had a wonderful job, a husband, a beautiful son, a six figure career.

[00:07:47] Lindsay Ellis: I was even, I even had a six pack. My reality, you know, that was my outside on the inside. My reality was, I was going through divorce, living in a new town, working 50 plus hours a week of like a single mom trying to protect my son from all the things that were going on around us. And there were days that I couldn’t even get off the couch.

[00:08:07] Lindsay Ellis: I was just on the couch staring at a blank wall. And I’ll never forget that moment where it’s like, I wasn’t taking care of myself. I wasn’t doing my job the way that I needed to. And you know, I didn’t even really know where my son was half the time. And it was I needed to change. I needed to change fast, but I didn’t know how to get there.

[00:08:24] Lindsay Ellis: And it was actually my divorce attorney. Uh, that really spoke life into me because during my divorce, you know, it can be very, uh, traumatic if there’s a lot of turmoil, there’s a lot of emotion that your family law attorneys deal with and all of your attorneys probably deal with. But what she said to me was, I know you’re upset now, but what do you want for your family?

[00:08:49] Lindsay Ellis: What do you want for your son? And for me, that was everything. It made me think a little bit more about my life. And I started like some bumbling through and found my core values that I had written down years earlier. And it was, I almost, I was sick to my stomach when I saw them because what I found is I’d written down all these things that were super important to me.

[00:09:10] Lindsay Ellis: And I was negotiating them every single day for what I felt was needed in the moment. And an example of that might be, you know, I family is huge for me. And there I was sitting and my son was playing with his wrestlers, watching his favorite TV show after dinner. And I’m like, Oh, he’s busy. I’m going to respond to emails, respond to text messages, go through my calendar, do my thing.

[00:09:33] Lindsay Ellis: Well, I was physically present, but I wasn’t emotionally present. And my son saw that. So our connection was exactly that not. Not there, and I realized something needed to change. So. That was the tipping point for me where I was like, if I say something’s important to me, I need to figure out what that looks like and how to live it without compromising, you know, my job and my success and everything else.

[00:09:58] Steve Fretzin: Yeah, and I think lawyers are, you know, no exception to that in the sense that their job is taking over there. They’re looking to be billable. They’re looking to. Um, have their phone on them and available for clients, which I get like great client service. However, there’s a cost, right? And I think that sometimes it’s, it’s not appropriate to, you know, when I’m on a boat fishing with my teenager and my phone goes off, it’s going to just go off.

[00:10:23] Steve Fretzin: It’s going to go to voicemail and we’re, we’re driving home and it’s just downtime. And, you know, he’s stuffing a burger in his face or something. I’m, you know, I might, I might, you know, do a call in the car or something, but I think that’s just becoming more and more hard. It’s not getting easier to stay focused and stay, you know, in the moment with, with our kids or with our families, with things that are important to us.

[00:10:42] Steve Fretzin: So I think that that epiphany is really important for not only for you and for me, but for people, for people listening that are maybe falling into that trap.

[00:10:50] Lindsay Ellis: I agree. I agree. It’s something that can be very hard to do when you are an entrepreneur, when you are building your business, when you are working long hours, but it is possible.

[00:11:01] Lindsay Ellis: I believe it is possible to have it all. And I’m living proof of that. I’ve helped hundreds of people do it, and it’s, it really just starts with the awareness and noticing.

[00:11:10] Steve Fretzin: Yeah. And I think it also goes back to kind of our topic for today, which is core values. And so I’m interested in your either definition or your take on like, what are an individual’s core values, authentic core values.

[00:11:24] Steve Fretzin: The

[00:11:24] Lindsay Ellis: simplest way to put it for me is something that is so important to you that you, your life would not be the same without it. It could be, like, for me, my core values is family, openness, purpose, and everything, authenticity, everything that I do, I make sure it honors. Something like that, but our honors that and when I start to negotiate it, I’m able to step back and figure it out.

[00:11:50] Lindsay Ellis: So it’s just it’s just what is so important to you that without it, you want to be the person you are.

[00:11:57] Steve Fretzin: Yeah. One of mine is, uh, it’s interesting. It’s a core value. It’s actually value. Like, so like I’m not going to spend a thousand dollars on something that is a hundred dollars. And I, you know, even if I need it, unless I’m in a deserted island or something, like just because my values and my, the way I was brought up and my, you know, my with values about like what things should cost or what things, what the value of something is matters to me and integrity being, I think probably top of the list, right?

[00:12:24] Steve Fretzin: Like, Anything that goes against integrity, you know, and I think my teenager picks up on that, which is really important because You know, if you don’t have integrity as a as a top core value in my space, like, I mean, that’s that’s gonna be a real problem at

[00:12:38] Lindsay Ellis: yeah, yeah, and and a lot of people do get not confused, but overwhelmed with the amount of things that might be really important to them.

[00:12:47] Lindsay Ellis: And 1 of the things that I always tell them is it’s okay to put them in a bucket, right? So you might have a list of like, 200 words that you’re looking at when you’re trying to figure out your core values. And you might check off like 40 of them. That’s a lot of my clients do is checking off like 40 to 50 of them.

[00:13:00] Lindsay Ellis: Like, what am I supposed to do with this? Well, when you can find words that kind of mean the same thing or, or make you feel this same way, you can put them into a bucket and then find a word that represents them. So you’re allowed to make your up your own definition for that value because it’s yours. As long as you know what it is, that’s what’s important.

[00:13:21] Steve Fretzin: Yeah. And so, you know, I’m just wondering if. There are people that may have values that are less important than other values, or maybe they’ve got some bad values. Is there such a thing as bad values? That doesn’t sound like, kind of sounds like an oxymoron saying bad values. Values, you know, in, you know, sort of, you know, instigates that it’s positive, but what’s your take on that?

[00:13:43] Steve Fretzin: I mean, are, are all values valuable?

[00:13:47] Lindsay Ellis: I, I, well, I think that when you say bad values, I, you know, we kind of laughed about this because. If it’s important to somebody, then it is a value. Nobody walks around saying negativity is my value, you know, but,

[00:14:02] Steve Fretzin: but some sociopaths, right? If I have that going, there’s

[00:14:06] Lindsay Ellis: another driving factor there, you know, there’s got to be right.

[00:14:09] Lindsay Ellis: So I do feel like when we talk about what a bad value could be, it could be something like an unauthentic value, something that you feel like should be important to you, but really isn’t. Something that you felt like somebody’s told you should be important to you because you’re in this job or that was a family you were raised in, and it’s not authentic to you, that could be an authentic value, right?

[00:14:31] Lindsay Ellis: Where it’s not really something that you’re truly serving because it’s not truly who you are. I do feel like once we get clear on what that is for each individual, then they’re able to live in purpose, with purpose, on purpose.

[00:14:46] Steve Fretzin: Mm. That’s interesting. Okay. And if somebody doesn’t understand or have like gone through an exercise with with you or me or anybody to like figure out their values and they’re just kind of living day to day.

[00:15:00] Steve Fretzin: Is that is that a detriment? Is it not a detriment?

[00:15:04] Lindsay Ellis: I always recommend that it is. It is important to figure out your values. That being said, when you already have a million things on your to do list and you’re overwhelmed. But is it something that you need to stop and put everything into? I think it’s something that you could do.

[00:15:18] Lindsay Ellis: Thank you. Ponder. I think it’s something that you can notice, something that you can spend five minutes a day on and just kind of write down and notice. Okay, well, what’s important to me right off the bat? Like what? And then just notice throughout your day is. Is that really important to me? Is something else important to me?

[00:15:33] Lindsay Ellis: It’s something that you can just like start noticing throughout your day and figuring out a lot of the times when we feel certain way or emotions come up, it’s like, well, why? Well, because this is important to me, that might be a sign that there’s a value there.

[00:15:47] Steve Fretzin: Okay, let’s take a quick break to talk about how money penny is changing the game for lawyers who are losing business every day and may not even realize it.

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[00:16:15] Steve Fretzin: Write down this email and start your free trial. It’s SVJ at Moneypenny. com. And just mentioned my name in the subject line. Lawyers,

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[00:16:51] Steve Fretzin: out. Something else that I recommend or in particular, you know, law firm leaders starting a firm or that have an existing firm. Is to write down what your core values are and then how that’s going to be related to the business because I think your values are the business’s values.

[00:17:10] Steve Fretzin: And so it’s 1 thing to know your values, but it’s another to express them to a team that if they have very different values than you, there could be some some rub there.

[00:17:21] Lindsay Ellis: I agree. And definitely within business, you know, I feel like it’s important to have those values. Identified and even when hiring people, you know, well, that should be part of the interview process.

[00:17:33] Lindsay Ellis: Is this something you hear our values does that, you know, are you willing to adopt these values while you’re in this place of business, you know, because if they’re not and they do have something different, then you’re setting your business up for somebody that’s not going to follow what your foundation

[00:17:49] Steve Fretzin: is.

[00:17:50] Steve Fretzin: Yeah, I mean, if your foundation is clients first, and that’s a value that you, you know, that’s at your, at your core of yourself and your firm, and somebody says, look, that’s just not the way I’m going to work. I’m going to shut down at five and I’ll be back the next morning at nine. You know, that might be a good example of, of when to maybe, you know, move it to a no and say, you know, you’re a great lawyer, but you’re not really fit for our, for our firm.

[00:18:14] Steve Fretzin: Right.

[00:18:15] Lindsay Ellis: Right. And that being said, I do feel like with values, when you know what you value, it’s easier to create boundaries. And so, you know, boundaries and values go hand in hand. And whether you’re hiring somebody, bringing on a team, or you’re trying to apply it to your own life, when you know what you value, decisions become easier, hands down.

[00:18:35] Steve Fretzin: When you think about, um, people’s well being and in the legal industry, you know, you know, I’ve had a number of people, you know, come on to talk about stress and talk about all these different, you know, aspects of health and wellness. And it’s kind of, you know, it’s one of the top topics that, you know, I think keeps coming up on this show because if you don’t have, if you don’t have your health and your wellness and your values and your, and your stress down, You know, again, very difficult to help others.

[00:19:00] Steve Fretzin: So what are some things that people should be doing and thinking about to either hone or sharpen their values or to just improve their well being around those values?

[00:19:11] Lindsay Ellis: Yeah. And, and, and talking about well being overall, I always use this analogy with my clients is. When you’re driving your car down the road and you know you need gas, but you’re like, I’ve got to get, I’ve got to get to this next place.

[00:19:23] Lindsay Ellis: I’ve got to get to this next place. So you keep on driving, keep on driving, and then you get to where you’re going. And then you’re like, I’ll get gas afterwards. Then you get in the car, you’re running late, and you’re trying to get to the next place. You don’t have time to stop for gas. And guess what?

[00:19:35] Lindsay Ellis: You’re on the side of the road. You end up taking way longer on the side of the road to fill up your tank of gas. Then you would if you just would have taken the 10 minutes to stop in the 1st place and whether you fill your gas with 10 or full tank, you know, 60 or whatever, then it doesn’t matter because the less that you fill your tank up with, the more you might have to stop the more you fill up your tank with the less you might have to stop.

[00:19:58] Lindsay Ellis: So whatever that looks like in life. Yeah, it is what you have to apply. You have a gas tank and you cannot operate and give to others on an empty cup or an empty tank. So, whether it looks like you’re stopping or reflecting or taking that time between the office to really give yourself that moment. I mean, often we use that time for calls or catch up with people, but if you can find a way to give yourself a little bit of time each day.

[00:20:26] Lindsay Ellis: You know, balance isn’t about making everything even. Balance is about depositing regularly into each bucket. And when you can give yourself those 5 to 10 minutes to ask yourself, Am I filling the things that I need to be full? And oftentimes, those are our values. If we’re the way, if we’re doing something, and we know consciously what it looks like to live our values, give our values, and receive our values, That’s what values is about is like becoming super intimate about them with them.

[00:20:58] Lindsay Ellis: It’s not about just writing them down and knowing what they are. It’s knowing what it looks like to live them, give them and receive them. And then when you have that reflection time, you’re able to see, okay, what can I do differently the next time? You know, how could I have worked that differently? And you’re able to create different boundaries to make it work for your life, but people will see it when you show up with a full tank.

[00:21:20] Lindsay Ellis: And when you show up in an authentic manner, filling yourself. You become so much more attractive. Um, I was very successful in my business. But when I did this core values thing and I learned what they were after a year, I’m more than tripled my business. I and I went on 2 vacations with my son created a co parenting relationship with my ex.

[00:21:42] Lindsay Ellis: You know, I met my now husband, I, you know, discovered hobbies like my whole life was full, but it was because I was being authentic and people wanted to do business with me.

[00:21:51] Steve Fretzin: But I think the point going back to, you know, running on empty and not taking that, that me time and just running from task to task, the task, that’s sort of a lot of people do that.

[00:22:03] Steve Fretzin: And, um, it’s just, you know, there’s so many messages coming into our heads and so many tasks to do and so many to do lists and things. So how, A, how do we start, how do we set ourselves up to take that break and what’s happening in that break? Is that break to plan for the other tasks? Is that break to breathe?

[00:22:20] Steve Fretzin: What, what, how do we plan for, to, to start setting ourselves up for that? And then what are we doing with that time to make ourselves more, more well?

[00:22:30] Lindsay Ellis: Yeah, I always start every single day with, you know, just setting an intention. What is it that I want to get done today? What are my priorities? We all know that things are going to come up that aren’t on our to do list.

[00:22:42] Lindsay Ellis: But when we leave the day, I, before I leave my office, even if I know that my day is not over because we all are accessible all the time with our cell phones, but when I leave my actual office. I always write down. Okay, what are my top priorities for tomorrow? What did I not get into that allows it to come out of my head onto a piece of paper?

[00:23:01] Lindsay Ellis: I’m not thinking about it all day long or all night long. That allows me to be a little bit more. present with the people that I’m around or the things that I’m doing. That’s one of those things that, you know, gives, gives you just space to set you, set yourself up for success down the road. Also just allowing yourself that if you’re feeling something, feeling stress, I always say, um, own your SAS.

[00:23:28] Lindsay Ellis: It’s a term that I created is, uh, we all have a little SAS in us. We all are made perfectly the way that we were supposed to be. And so SAS stands for stop, assess, Select and study it. We have to stop when we’re we’re in the situation where we find our shoulders raised and we’re grinding our teeth or fists or clinch.

[00:23:47] Lindsay Ellis: That’s a cue. Stop. Assess. What’s going on here? What’s what is what do I need to do? What are my options? What are my choices? Select the choice that you feel like is best. It doesn’t mean we’re always going to make the right one, but it does set us up to study it and reflect to figure out what we can do differently.

[00:24:04] Lindsay Ellis: These are things that will help you along the way without, you know, adding onto your to do list.

[00:24:09] Steve Fretzin: Yeah. So give us, give us an example of a client that would work with you kind of where they were like, what was going on in that? And you don’t obviously don’t give a name, but like what was going on in that person’s life?

[00:24:20] Steve Fretzin: What you like, what was the, what you did and then kind of where are they now? Like, give us an idea because I think that’s, that would be really helpful not only for me, but for people listening to understand like how you’re helping people because the things that you’re talking about. Um, it’s not just about making a list of your values.

[00:24:35] Steve Fretzin: There’s a lot that’s going into how you’re coaching and working with people. So give us a little flavor

[00:24:40] Lindsay Ellis: of that. Yeah, absolutely. I’ve worked with people all over the board, and I find myself right now working with a lot of people that are feeling this, like, burnt out, feeling broken, feeling lost, maybe from divorce, um, trying to co parent, but, but even, like, the, the busiest executives and CEOs, I mean, I really have degrees and background in And health and wellness, mind, psychology, business.

[00:25:07] Lindsay Ellis: And so we’re one person trying to be all things. And one of the people that I think of off the top of my head when you say that is, I had a working mom and she had six kids. And she is overwhelmed, trying to stay on par with her husband and communicate. But when you’re working full time, you’re doing all the things you’re running your business.

[00:25:28] Lindsay Ellis: And then you have the chaos, the family at home, and then to find connection with their spouse at the end of the day. It’s like, There’s so many different buckets there that she’s trying to figure out that we just had to stop coming to our values, figure out what that looks like. And then we take it day by day to figure out, okay, what, how did that serve you?

[00:25:45] Lindsay Ellis: What could you have done differently? And it’s basically taking the chaos and creating, like, it’s like that ocean, right? You’re like in a boat and everything’s rocky and the storm’s hitting, but if you go deeper down in the sea, everything’s calm. How do we get to that calm place and figure out who we are so we can show up?

[00:26:01] Lindsay Ellis: And calm that storm in our life.

[00:26:04] Steve Fretzin: Yeah, I mean, it sounds like, I mean, that’s a story I gave, I think even in the last episode with Transcendental Meditation where, you know, you need to get to a place where things are calm. And even if you do that once or twice a day, it’s going to be helpful to re center, refocus versus just kind of staying on the boat and getting sick over the side.

[00:26:24] Steve Fretzin: Yeah. But it’s, and so, so the end result is that somebody Um, that’s living in chaos can start to break it down with you understand what, you know, what’s really important. What’s not. You know, what’s a make or break for the family for the life for the, you know, and it’s like everything seems like the most important thing in the world when it’s happening, but ultimately, and you’ve had tragedy, I’ve had tragedy, we start to realize that it’s actually not there’s, there’s, there’s, there’s life and death situations and there’s, you know, Hey, there’s an angry client or there’s a, you know, a contract that is, is, it needs to be worked on.

[00:27:02] Steve Fretzin: They’re not life or death. And again, we all have, you know, timeframes to get things done. However, you know, we have to be realistic about about what’s really important in our, in our lives and what isn’t.

[00:27:12] Lindsay Ellis: Yes, I agree. And, and I think that, you know, one of the reasons why I’m so passionate about values is because, and I do feel like they are so important, even if you can’t sit down and do a workshop, like right away, it’s something to ponder something to think about something to write down and, and just notice.

[00:27:30] Lindsay Ellis: Because when your foundation is really strong and you know who you are and you’re serving that foundation, like, you know what it looks like to live it, give it and receive it adversity. That’s how you face adversity with authenticity. That’s how you walk through life and not let it like freak you out.

[00:27:47] Lindsay Ellis: And one of the examples with that is I was back in 2021. I was scammed. And I ended up 50, 000 gone out of my account. You know, that was like my business account. That was like things that were helping me keep things running, building my business. And it was gone. And I look back and I’m like, I did everything that I could possibly do.

[00:28:09] Lindsay Ellis: You know, I called the bank, I checked all the things. And so when my son came home, when my husband came home, I had a choice. I could walk out of there and just be like, life is over. Like, what are we going to do? And just like pour all that stress onto my family or it was like Cinco de Mayo. So, like, let’s go have margaritas.

[00:28:27] Lindsay Ellis: I couldn’t do anything else about it, but it wasn’t that I didn’t care about it. It’s just that I had to make a choice that I could spend the next 2 weeks. You know, really stressed out about it and letting it rule my entire world and in that 2 week time period, the bank could call me and tell me that I was getting my money back and then I would have to make up all that time that I lost over the 2 weeks being stressed and I’ll repair all those relationships because I was exerting a certain amount of energy.

[00:28:55] Lindsay Ellis: Or I could do everything that I could possibly do, live in my values, serve my values, and then that way that two weeks game, if it wasn’t the outcome that I wanted, I was still in a good place to start executing action versus having to make up everything and execute action.

[00:29:13] Steve Fretzin: And the life lesson that I have followed for years, and I see other people not following it, and I know how stressed it can make them, is there are things that are under your control, and there are things that are not under your control.

[00:29:26] Steve Fretzin: And if you can put it into that bucket of not under my control, or I did everything I could, it is what it is. There’s no other way to deal with it. There’s a release. I mean, there’s a release of that stress. There’s a release of that emotion. There’s, it doesn’t mean you can’t get upset about it, but you’re not going to stay upset about it because what are you going to do?

[00:29:45] Steve Fretzin: Now it’s just, it’s gone, you know, so I think that’s a really important life lesson that I think a lot of people, especially folks that, that are continually worrying, especially about other people, what other people think, or what other people are saying, or what, what’s going on around them. That’s. And we think they’re thinking about us or talking, but they’re not, you know, it’s like they’re, that’s the stuff that, that drags us down, I think more than anything is, is just that, that, you know, the, the, the, the concern of things that, that are not under our

[00:30:14] Lindsay Ellis: control.

[00:30:16] Lindsay Ellis: I agree. And I tell people all the time that we make 55, 000 choices every single day. We can control, we cannot control everything or anyone in this world, but we have a choice to control ourselves. And when you’re making those 55, 000 choices, that’s when that SAS comes in, you know, stop is that select and study, but I’ll tell you what, you know, the attorneys have a very special job, not only because they’re dealing with the law and they’re helping people every day, but they’re more than more than likely a lot of the times helping people that are stressed or in some sort of like situation that they need help in.

[00:30:51] Lindsay Ellis: Right. And my attorney changed my life because she changed my perspective by saying, you know, you can be mad, you can fight, you can be, you can try to grab everything you possibly can. But what’s really important to you, because when you walk out of my office and these papers are signed, you know, you still have a life to live after this and you have to make choices.

[00:31:12] Lindsay Ellis: And if she didn’t bring that into, I didn’t like hearing it. But I, I tell her all the time, you know, this is like five, six years, seven years ago, you know, and I, I sent her a thank you note just the other day. I was like, I just want to remind you, I wouldn’t be where I am today without those words because you made me think differently and you made, you brought it.

[00:31:32] Lindsay Ellis: You brought reality and like, like just like a sense of structure to my storm and I just think it’s a powerful position that attorneys have when you’re dealing with clients that might be facing turmoils that, you know, you walking in your own values and authenticity, you are able to shine perspective and help people grow from it while you’re, you’re solving all it’s, it’s being that example and I just think it’s a great opportunity.

[00:31:58] Steve Fretzin: Yeah, just awesome. Just awesome. Awesome. So let’s wrap things up again. We’re moving from game changing books to now game changing podcasts. And so you mentioned one and I know that that working with people that have gone through or that are going through divorce and parenting and all of that is kind of a jam for you.

[00:32:15] Steve Fretzin: What’s the game changing podcast that you want to share with with my audience today?

[00:32:20] Lindsay Ellis: It’s, uh, be that parent, I believe is what I, that

[00:32:23] Steve Fretzin: parent that’s, I think they stole my, my intellectual property. Is it the parenting podcast?

[00:32:32] Steve Fretzin: Nice.

[00:32:33] Lindsay Ellis: I’m just merging the two. I

[00:32:34] Steve Fretzin: know. I mean, I, I like to say that I’m that parent, but, uh, I’m going to bring my teenager on to interview him and we’ll, we’ll hear what he thinks. I love it.

[00:32:43] Lindsay Ellis: Well, if you’re taking him on boat trips, it can’t be that bad. No,

[00:32:45] Steve Fretzin: no, we’re,

[00:32:45] Lindsay Ellis: we’re tight. Um, yes, so I love the parenting podcast because really, it just like, again, shines so much perspective that we are not perfect and we come from a world where, you know, our parents parented us the best that they know, knew how, because of the way that they were parented.

[00:33:02] Lindsay Ellis: And so often that, like, we try to parent our kids in a way, and sometimes we’re like, we don’t want to, we don’t want to parent like our parents did. And we, but then we find ourselves being like, oh, my gosh, I’m my mom, or, oh, my gosh, I’m just acting like. So this perspective that she offers is so powerful, whether, you know, you’re trying to co parent with your spouse or you’re trying to co parent with an ex or, you know, there’s a step parent involved.

[00:33:26] Lindsay Ellis: It’s about the kids and, and there’s just a lot of great perspective in there. So I, I enjoy listening to her podcast a lot.

[00:33:33] Steve Fretzin: Yeah, really awesome. And if people want to get in touch with you, what’s the best way to, to, to reach

[00:33:38] Lindsay Ellis: you? Yeah, they can reach me at the Lindsay Ellis. Dot com. Uh, and uh, that or follow me on social.

[00:33:46] Lindsay Ellis: I believe you have my information for living.

[00:33:48] Steve Fretzin: We’re going to, yeah, we got the show notes are going to, are going to happen. So that’s, uh, it’s, it’s T H E the Lindsay Ellis.

[00:33:55] Lindsay Ellis: Yes. Lindsay Ellis. com. And they can reach me through there or social. I’d love the opportunity to connect with anybody that wants to talk further about this.

[00:34:04] Steve Fretzin: Yeah. And, uh, also just kind of wrapping up thinking our sponsors, of course, money, penny, um, You know, helping to get rid of those phone trees and of course, you know, getting some live reception, taking away, you know, the need to have a, a live, you know, an actual real receptionist, you know, fully paid in your office, it can all be done virtually.

[00:34:22] Steve Fretzin: And of course get visible who, if you look at my website, go to fretson. com and look at how gorgeous it is and look at how functional it is and look at how, how great it does it at trying to convert people from getting my free stuff to maybe even talking to me about working with them on their law practice.

[00:34:38] Steve Fretzin: And if you go to frets and doc, uh, slash, um, sales slash or dash three dash, uh, selling, you’re going to get a free copy of my book, sales, free selling. So go to frets and. com and check that out, Lindsay. Thank you so much. This has been wonderful. I think there’s been so many, you know, great elements to this conversation and learning about values and, and some things that we can do.

[00:35:00] Steve Fretzin: And I love your SAS. Your Southern SAS, it’s a really great acronym there. Um, and just thanks for sharing your wisdom on the show. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. And I think my audience appreciates, you know, the, the point of view.

[00:35:11] Lindsay Ellis: Thank you so much for having me. It’s been awesome.

[00:35:14] Steve Fretzin: Yeah. Yeah. Of course, it’s been awesome.

[00:35:15] Steve Fretzin: We’re having a good time here. Yeah. And, uh, listen, everybody, thank you for spending time with Lindsay and I today, hopefully, uh, helping you get, you know, that much closer to being that lawyer, someone who’s confident, organized, and a skilled rainmaker. Take care, everybody. Be safe. Be well. And we will talk again real soon.

[00:35:34] Narrator: Thanks for listening to Be That Lawyer, life changing strategies and resources for growing a successful law practice. Visit Steve’s website, Fretzin. com, for additional information and to… Stay up to date on the latest legal business development and marketing trends. For more information and important links about today’s episode, check out today’s show notes.